A NIGHT TO REMEMBER ?????????????? OR IS IT!

I was sleeping peacefully after a hard nights play on Half-Life 2 Episode 2 (the last part is getting on my bloody wick!) when suddenly I heard the sound of chains and hydraulics right outside my bedroom window! Cautiously I climbed out of the bed and slightly moved the Union Jack (my curtains) only to see a truck backing up to a red Mazda …… the time was 12:35am …… I then heard a 13 year old Moose Calf (who's allowed on the internet, unsupervised all night long) shouting "mom, mom someone's stealing your car" …….. "this was followed with loud, slightly muffled expletives from a toothless white trash Moose who was telling the 13 year old to "CALF!!!!!!! shut the 'book' up!!!" ….. "but mom, they're stealing your car" …………….. after more expletives The Moose finally dragged her blubbery carcass off of the bed and waddled towards the door!

I was still looking out of the window, comfortable in a chair! By this time both the Moose and the Moose Herder were outside, the Moose bellowing at the tow truck driver and no doubt questioning his parentage and genealogy!

By now, I'd slipped into my jeans and put on my white "wife beater' vest ……. hey, if redneck/white trash things are happening one has to dress for the occasion right? I made my way to the fridge for a beer and took by British bum outside to sit under the veranda to watch the show ………. erm ….. proceedings!

Pretty much after a lot of yelling, screaming, cursing and other noised that can only be made by wobbly, toothless white trash females (female of course is the loosest interpretation of the word possible) they tow truck took of with the car!

I have to tell you, this was my first life repossession! …………. the Moose of course had been telling the Moose Herder that all payments had been made, that she was primary and the other fella was just the co-signer …….. the other fella being the "room mate" (my arse) that the Moose had left for the Moose Herder. It transpires the Moose's memory may not be exactly very good …. It would appear that the "room mate" was in fact the primary and that the vehicle was in his name and all the Moose was doing was making the payments ……. or not as it turns out ……….. hahahahaha! ………….

Hhhmmmmmmmmmmmm makes one wonder what type of "room mates" they were ………….. he in fact may have also been a past Moose Herder! Oh well ……………… OH DEAR, HOW SAD, NEVER MIND! Hopefully this'll help stop the Moose Herder from tying the knot with the Moose because I'm sure that if it's a new car over wedding ……. she'll take the car! ……………… 100%!!!!! Assuming of course she doesn't go for both!

I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE SPECIAL THANKS FOR A WONDERFUL EVENING TO:

THE MOOSE THE MOOSE HERDER THE REPO TRUCK

THE REPO MAN

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST ………. THE MAZDA CAR (ooooooooooppppppppppppsssssssssssss no pic available coz it's gone!……..

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

THE SHERIFF'S MOTEL

Now, not that the Brit is a person who doesn’t trust people, but something wasn’t right with how the Moose had worked the Moose Herder! Something just didn’t sit right with the Brit …………. so, being a cunning individual he easily prised the Moose’s surname from the small Moose Calf. The Brit, at this point could not do his Sherlock Holmes impression and try to suss anything out because the PC’s were in an open space ………… and that’s not a good thing, so upon arriving in work he went online to look at the local Sheriff’s Department website …………. typed in the name of The Moose and lo and behold she was on there, arrested and spent a night at least in the Sheriffs Motel for theft, forgery & passing fraudulent/stolen cheques! “Oh what a bloody shock” thought the Brit sarcastically.

The Brit being of sound mind and body (well maybe not the mind bit) hastily removed ALL pertinent and personal documentation from the Moose Barn (the house) and removed them to the sanctuary and safety of his office!

Now bearing in mind that the Moose Herder had only known the Moose for only 4 days! ………… YES 4 DAYS! ………….. the Brit thought that it may be in the best interests of the Moose Herder to inform him of the Moose’s dodgy character. So on the way home he contacts the Moose Herder and advises him that he may want to come and meet with the Brit at the local pub ALONE! The Moose Herder arrived at the pub and the Brit armed with a Coors & Bud Light plus the printout of the Moose’s record immediately informed the Moose Herder of the Moose’s transgressions. Silence …………. a look of shock ………… was the Moose Herder’s response to the news! Well at first that was …………”well I’m sure that there was a reason” ……….. “want another beer?” ……………… Ah well I tried!

Since then the Moose hasn’t worked, rarely leaves the Moose Barn, rarely cooks and when she does I avoid it like the plague …….. 2 belly aches out of 2 is 2 belly aches too many! Thank the lord for pub food!

Methinks that the Moose will never get off her Mooseish arse and “git r dun’ as far as work goes and I have no doubts that someday soon the Moose Bard will be repossessed ……………. hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm good segue Signor Napoli even if I say it myself!!!!!!!

POPULATION INCREASE

The good Lord poops yet again upon the Brit from a great height! …………….. I mean really, what did this loveable, yet cheeky chappie do to deserve this! The allegations of the Brit, the cocker spaniel and the duck are nothing but rumours and it was never proven in a court of law!

Resigned to the fact that his life was now upside down and inside out the Brit thought “illigitimus non corborundum” (don’t let the bastards grind you down) and thought “well ………. it can’t get any worse” ………………. oh it bloody can’t can it!

During the course of regular conversation, not exactly of the after dinner variety, more like the after a McDonalds redneck ‘git r dun’ variety it was casually mentioned that the older Moose Calf is PREGO! With child, up the duffer, she’s got a bun in the oven, knocked up! ………….. “oh bloody hell fire” thought the Brit ……….. this is un-bloody-believable! Not only do we have The Moose, the Moose Calf’s & Pencil Boy we now have another bloody Calf on the way! ………………… oh yeah, the prego Moose Calf is 15!

Now, it was obvious to the Brit that Pencil Boy was the father …….. but what perplexed him was ‘how did he do it????” ……… one would have thought that he’d either be killed in the process of procreation or swallowed up and lost forever!

Now you can see that the description MOOSE HERDER is more apt then Mr. More Apt the most Apt person in Aptville!

THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW

Because The Brit was having to be the Accent Gigolo each and every time he and the Moose Herder went out (usually to the Blubmouse) he decided to, because all he wanted to do was have a pint or 7 (which is a British thing) in peace he decided to don some wings and a bow and try to become cupid so that the Moose Herder would hook up with a Redneck Mom and leave the poor Brit to just have a pint and chat with the regulars! He suggested to the Moose Herder that he try looking at local singles around his age and locale on line! The Moose Herder was incredibly impressed with the Brits wisdom and he eagerly had the Brit complete a profile for him (coz he can’t type for nothing!)!

Well he got a few hits ……………… and even decided to out with one of them! This made the Brit incredibly happy because of the peace and comfort that would be afforded to the Brit at the pub!

So ……….. the date was set for Thursday January 10, 2008 at 7:45pm at the Blubmouse pub! “Great” thought the Brit ……… if this works it will be brill!

Now, the Moose Herder, being the non-confident person that he is, asked the Brit if he would attend this meeting as his wingman. “oh bollocks!” thought the Brit but went along anyway! The Moose Herder eagerly watched the clock, sinking bud Light for some Dutch courage, tick ever so slowly toward M Hour (M for MOOSE). Well M-Hour came and went ………so, he kept texting her and she him and said each and every time that she was “on her way!” ……………. she arrived at 9:50pm with 2 teenage girls (The Moose Calf’s) in tow, one 11 who was small and mouthy and the other 15 who was bloody huge and sultry! I assume that if she smiled then her face would actually fall off! Then in followed the smallest fella I’d ever seen, not withstanding midgets and little people who appeared to the Brits analytical observation to be the boyfriend of the 15 year old! The Brits mind went over board as he tried to imagine the boyfriend trying to engage in carnal activities withy the huge 15 year old and actually survive it! This thought was quickly dismissed from the mind because he did not want to be put off of his Coors Light!

The Brit, once the Moose Herder and the Moose had actually said 2 words to one another saw his chance to escape and did a bunk back to the house and did he sleep peacefully that night and with a satisfied smile on his face! He dreamt of being able to scoot to the ale house and drink without having each and every bloody introduction he had to make interrupted by a simple minded horse!........... aaaaaaaahhhhhhh paradise!

The next morning, after sleeping great the Brit trotted to the bathroom for the daily morning ablutions only to see the Moose Herders door open and no Moose Herder. He checked out the drive and no redneck dodge truck either! Thinking that the Moose Herder had left for work early he forgot about it and got on with the morning routine! Upon returning to his room the Brit heard the front door open and close! Cautiously looking out of his room he spied the Moose Herder coming in with a huge inane, simple looking grin on his face!

Now, please forgive this writer because he does not follow baseball however it would appear that the Moose Herder got to first base at least on the fist night! It transpires that the Moose Herder did indeed at Apollo Beach in the truck! “Sound as a pound lar” said the Brit trying to get out of the house to go to work instead of getting a blow by blow (no pun intended) account of the previous nights frolicking’s, of which he was about as interested in hearing about as he would be listening to Dan Madden give a play by play account of the differences between Australian marsupials and the lesser spotted Chinese bullfrog!

The following night ………… Friday January 11, 2008, the Moose Herder was meeting The Moose again “oh yeah!!!!!!” thought the Brit ………. “nice one, soon he’ll be out of my bloody (what little he’s got) hair …….. woo hoo!”. However, the Brit had to play ‘wingman’ again! The Moose Herder obviously has no clue that the Brit actually has a life in other drinking establishments other than said Blubmouse! However he thought that this would be a small price to pay for the future peace ahead and agreed! “erm, wot time are we meetin’ ‘er?” exclaimed the Brit. “8:30pm” replied the Moose Herder. They got to the pub at around 8:00pm ……………… 350 texts later between the infatuated couple she arrived at 11:45pm ……………. at which point the Brit was ready to fall asleep! As she entered in all her glory (or is that gory???) the Brit spied 2, nay 3 beefy’s (ickies maybe the correct American translation) sporting her neck! “oh God help us” exclaimed the Brit under his breath!

The Brit got back to the house and immediately went to the computer room to fire up Half Life 1 ………. Whilst he was blasting away the Brit heard the truck pull up and not 1 vehicle but two arrived! The Moose Herder entered, with Moose in hand, said “hi” and disappeared eagerly to the boudoir for some ‘wrestling’.

The following morning, Saturday January 12, 2008 the Brit was watching English soccer on the telly. Soon after the door to the boudoir opened and out came The Moose with dishevelled hair and loads of beefy’s in a row resembling Wilma Flintstones necklace!!!!! “oh God Almighty ……….. how old are these bloody people” sighed the Brit!

The Moose left ………… and the Moose Herder started to give another account of the evenings events when the Brit made his excuses and left …………… as he was getting in his car the Moose Herder informs him that The Moose, the 2 Moose Calf’s and boy friend (now and henceforth known as Pencil Boy) where coming over for a cook-out ……….. “sound as a pound lar’ replied the Brit “no sweat, I’m scooting over to Cluskin for a few pints, have fun”! “well, would it be possible for you to hang around here, I really don’t know these people”! “Oh CRAP!!!!!!!!” thought the Brit but instead said “ok mate …………. sound”! Now, just to fill you in, the Moose Herder is dead paranoid about having stuff taken ………… like he’s really suspicious, hence he asked the Brit to hang around! The Brit needed the evening’s festivities like a hole in the head and would be eagerly watching the clock for it to speed up!

Well mayhem ensued, Pencil Boy and the Moose Calf girlfriend where arguing, the smart mouthed little Moose Calf was well …….. smart mouthing them and The Moose and did nothing to shut them up! Praying for a quick death the Brit sneaked into the computer room to play HL1 …………… only to be followed by the Moose Calf’s and Pencil Boy ……… trying in vain to get them out of there just played and ignored them wherever possible!

Well ……….. at 11pm on Saturday January 12, 2008 they finally decided to leave ………. a fanfare ensued quickly thereafter! The Brit ……. now playing HL1 without interruption was joined by the Moose Herder …………………… “hey” …………….. “yeah, wot mate?” replied the Brit ………. “you know The Moose right?” ……… “erm, yeah mate, why?” ……. “well she’s being treat like this, and being treated like that, and being touched here and there by her male “room mate” and is having a really bad time, and it’s awful for the kids and its squalor ………… blah, blah, blah” …………… This went on for some 15 minutes until he finally gave his gob a rest! “bummer mate” said the Brit with mock concern ………….. like he couldn’t give two hoots!

“well ………….. we’re getting some new room mates” …………….. “huh, wot, huh, eh, wot, say again”? stammered a really worried Englishman! “I hate how she’s being treated there and I need to do this for them” say’s the Moose Herder …………………… Now, at this point the Brit was convinced that he was asleep and this was a really bad dream! ………… well until that cig that he was holding burned right down and burned his finger! …………. It only hurt for a second because the Brit was numb from head to foot! ……………..

He’s known her for 2 F/IN days ……………. seen here 3 F/IN times ……………. is he nuts!!!!!! Well the answer is obviously bloody YES!!!!!!!

“oh ………. erm ……….. ok” mumbled a panicked Brit ……………… “when?” ………….. “tomorrow” replied the Moose Herder ……………….. The Brit was just totally and utterly GOBSMACKED!!!!! ……………. More gobsmacked than Mr. Gobsmacked, the most gobsmacked person on the planet Gobsmack!

So, early Sunday AM up pulls the truck and car and people, the car and truck stuffed with stuff ……….. LOTS OF STUFF!!!!!!!!!!! “Oh bugger this for a game of soldiers” thought the Brit ……….. and off he went to find somewhere to go whilst all this madness was taking place. He found sanctuary at a park where he took a leisurely stroll still hoping at this was some really bad dream but realising that it was not! Then!!!!!! Suddenly it dawned on him ……….. it came at him like a cruise missile ……….. THIS WAS ALL HIS FAULT!!!!!! …………. HE WAS THE BLOODY FOOL WHO ENCOURAGED THE MOOSE HERDER TO DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It took two hours and a surgeon to remove his own foot from his own backside …………… gone where the dreams of a peaceful pub ………………. not only do they live at the bloody house …………. but they ALL come to the bloody pub!!!!!! ……………. The Moose, the Moose Herder, the Moose Calf’s & Pencil Boy UN-BLOODY-REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SANCTUARY TURNED TO INSANITY!

THE SINGLES GROUP

Against his better judgement a close friend of the Brit’s persuaded, coerced, bribed, forced him to join a singles group even though he pleaded “look Gale, I’m not looking to date, I mean, bloody hell like, I’ve only just escaped the clutches of the Valkyrie from Hell! I’m not jumping from the frying pan into the fire! Know what I mean, like”? Alas, this fell on deaf ears and just for some peace he accepted the idea and said that he’d join.

Apparently this is such a high classed group that one had to submit a short electronic application and then be either accepted of rejected! “Ah, HAAAAA!” thought the Brit, here’s my out and he could see it now “erm, sorry Gale der luv, they rejected my application”, “nice one” thought the Brit! So he gleefully completed the application form! Now ……… there is no way that this group, or any other group other than the Psychopaths Guild for the Mentally Insane would accept a potential axe murder with haemorrhoids and a gas problem that once started would in fact knock out half the population of Sydney Australia in 30 minutes! There’s no way that he would be accepted as a member …………………

So, he attended his first meeting on Wednesday January 2nd 2008 that day that the temperatures got down to 28 degrees! The meeting being at a restaurant/bar, so of course the weather itself wouldn’t matter and it would be just a matter of legging it from the car to a nice warm place that sold beer LOVE IT!

Was he wrong! This place is nothing more than a building with small, nay tiny wee bar/service hatch with a frame attached! Oh yes, it had plastic screening around it and that stopped the frozen, whipping wind a lot ………. BLOODY NOT!

So, even had there been any soccer mom’s worth a karat it would have been too bloody cold to have done anything anyway! Oh, it sometimes sucks to be the Brit!

AND …………. what a bunch of losers!!!! No wonder they’re single! there were three fella’s prattling on about dates that have been good or failed and why, it was like listening to General Kitchener reliving past battles including the embellishment UNREAL!

The Brit went to a couple of other meetings and finally realised that there would be a better standard of Soccer Moms had he just joined ‘Bloody Ugly Soccer moms.com’ and looked up the profile of Jennifer Ugly, the ugliest woman in Ugly Town!

Anyhow, he came to his senses and gave this bloody group a miss!

CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR 2007

The festive season was fast approaching and the Brit was anticipating a good time with his mates and their wives in the redneck town of Cluskin (note: the Brit is not a redneck yet, he’s still studying and has been graded at ‘pink neck’ because he still can’t get the word y’all in the right context, but he does do a good ‘git R dun’).

He was invited by the regulars Jango Mo’s in Cluskin to head over on the Friday before Christmas to the Bubble’s Nursery Christmas party ………. along with the other regulars of said beer selling establishment. Now, believing that this ‘party’ would be taking place at Jango Mo’s was not an unreasonable assumption to make now was it? ………….. Well it came to pass that ALL the regulars had been barred for 90- days by the owner, Coger ………………….. without waffling on about the whole deal it suffice to say that the owner is a total dildo and couldn’t run a piss-up in a brewery! The party was held at the nursery right next door to the pub and a good time was had by all J.

The Brit did insist on making use of the loo facilities at Jango Mo’s, his logic being that if he had brought 30 gallons, or more, of beer from that establishment he believed that he had only peed out about 8 gallons ………….. so he was pretty much owed should someone say anything because the owner and the ‘new’ manager where watching the Bubble’s party goers like hawks, thus the Brit was ready with a retort should anything be made of him using the facilities!

Christmas Eve was upon us and the (obviously popular) Brit had been invited to yet another shindig at his mate’s house! Usually the Brit is a particularly grumpy individual at Christmas time and he can be heard muttering “bah humbug” all over the place. Which is why, each year without fail, he is visited during the night by three ghostly apparitions who try their best to set him on the right path to enjoy the festive season. This year, he was going to make the best of it as he was totally cheesed off by these bloody spirits!

Arriving at his mates house with an 8 pack of Boddingtons English Pub Ale and a pint glass in his arms, he was ready for a good Christmas Eve and because he was staying over as well as a pretty darn good Christmas morning also!

All went great, brill time and albeit the Brit had a hangover, caused I might add by the loud music and not the large intake of alcohol ………… well maybe it was the large intake of English ale ……………. the breakfast consisted of sausage, gravy and biscuits. I’m sorry, but the Brit cannot get over the fact that ‘biscuits & gravy’ remind him so much of scones and condensed mushroom soup …………….. After chatting for a while the Brit decided that he was all Christmassed out and decided to head back home to get some well earned rest …………… Setting off happily, iPod blaring away with The Tech Guy show, the Lord decided to play a game with him and dump upon him from a great height!

Whilst driving down the motorway the car decided to start buggering about by slowing down and flashing ‘check engine’ lights at him! “OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $%*#$%$^%^&@!#)” exclaimed the Brit ……………. So he safely pulled over and proceeded to call AAA ……………… OK ……… I know it’s Christmas Day and there will only be limited tow trucks but the Brit must have got the only bloody tow truck working the whole eastern seaboard of the United States coz it took 3 hours 30 minutes to arrive, not only that he made 30 million phone calls to AAA trying to find out when the bugger would be there only to be given the standard answer of “he should be there in 30 to 45 minutes sir, thank you for choosing AAA” CLICK!

Eventually the Brit got to talk to a service person who stated that the driver would be there in about 20 minutes and he’d have the driver call me …………. well, you think that the Brit has an accent? …………….. Well so did the tow truck driver, a really thick Spanish/English accent ………….. Imagine this ………… he’s in a truck, the Brit’s on the side of the interstate, cars and trucks whizzing by, both on cell phones, one Scouse accent that the driver couldn’t fathom out and one Spanish accent that the Brit couldn’t suss out! ………… It’s kind of like a parrot with a hernia trying to talk to the vet and Dr. Doolittle has laryngitis! It was a total waste of phone minutes!
Eventually the tow truck arrived and the Brit was still in one piece and not looking like a skeleton from a pirate film and the car was taken back to the Brits mats and the Brit got into his ‘hunky biker’ garb and rode back home …………. what a bloody day!

ALE AND CLIPPINGS

The name “Tony” seems to be the most popular name on this planet because the Brit’s roommate is also named Tony now referred to as THE MOOSE HERDER “why???” I hear you yell, wait ….. you’ll find out why. Having moved in, the first thing on the Brits priority list was to find a friendly local establishment that sold cold beer ……….. and being the Pub aficionado that he is, it did not take too long ………….he found the Blubmouse, and it’s highly recommended.

“So ………..” I here you ask “how did the big game hunter of the public houses find it”? …………… Funny you should ask …………….. It was pure fluke. The Brit was heading to the grocery store to stock up on some provisions and as he was pulling into the car park he spotted the Clippings Saloon and there were people smoking outside of it …………. “hhhhmmmmmmmm” thought the Brit, “I’ll check that place out after I’ve got me stuff”. So, after going through the checkout he put his stuff in the boot of the car and headed with brisk step to the Saloon …………… Only to find that the only thing that they sold was bloody haircuts ………….. the stupid, brainless, myopic Brit had read SALON as saloon ………….. It’s bloody obvious what’s on the Brits mind isn’t it ……………………. BEER!

But the Lord works in mysterious ways, next door to the salon was the Blubmouse …………….. Lady luck had struck …………. good ale house, pretty decent locals and the bar staff rocked!

Now, not being selfish the Brit called his The Moose Herder to come up for a pint ………………

THE ACCENT GIGOLO

The Moose Herder, is not exactly the most outgoing person on the planet, for living in that same house for 30 years he’d never had the balls to walk into a pub on his own ……… Knowing this our hero (the Brit just in case you had forgotten or did you just think that I was writing about some super marsupial) waited outside the pub for him to arrive ………….

The Blubmouse, being a sports bar, has the usual array of telly’s and sports memorabilia on the wall including a Dale Jr. clock with car ……………. The Moose Herder, being the kleptomaniac that he is was eying this clock up and obviously trying to formulate a plane on how to remove this object from the pub ……….. ‘yeah, in your dreams lad’!

An attractive waitress soon arrived at the table to take our orders. I was pretty bloody thirsty, particularly after having just escaped the Valkyrie from Hell and dead starving! “hi, my name is Lisa, can I get you guys something to drink?” says cute waitress ………….”Would I get into trouble if I was to steal that cool clock?” replies The Moose Herder. “oh, bloody hell bollocks!, are you trying to get me banned on me bloody first day at me new ale ‘ouse?” retorts the Brit. Lisa, our charming waitress, stops dead in her tracks, looks over at the Brit and asks “is that accent for real?”. Before the Brit could get a word out of his gob, The Moose Herder responds with “oh, yeah ………… it’s for real”.

Lisa pulled out the usual questions ………… “are y’all Australian?”, “no,English” says the Brit with the usual patient tone that come with all these questions. “cool” says cute waitress. So the Brit spies good old ‘old fashioned fish & chips’ on the menu and gleefully orders it. Twenty minutes and two Coors Lights later the cute waitress appears from the kitchen area with a plate with hopefully the fish & chips on it! The waitress approaches and puts the plate with the eagerly awaited ‘old fashioned fish & chips’ on it down in front of the hungry Brit.

The Brit takes one look at the ‘old fashioned fish & chips”, forces a smile at the cute waitress and says “ta very much luv”, however in the depths of his mind he’s really thinking “what the bloody hell are these things supposed to be!”? There were no chips, well not in the British sense of the word ‘chips’, new or ‘old fashioned’, on the plate accompanying the fish where what can only be described as the inside of a tennis racket, like the strings!

Anyhow, the waitress departs spouting something about “nice, accent’ and “enjoy your meals” …………. the Brit takes one quizzical look at The Moose Herder and says “what the F are these bloody things supposed to be”? ………… The Moose Herder, gob full of a club sandwich that came with tomato even though he specifically asked for “no tomatoes’, replies with “oh them, they’re waffle fries”. I guess that one learns something in this great country every day! So now, having stored this valuable information in his mindless brain the Brit now orders “fish & chips please, not those tennis racket chips, but straight chips” ………… problem solved!

Shortly another waitress appeared at our table and asks me if “everything is alright”, and the Brit responds with, “fine luv, sound as a pound, but give uz another Coors Light please” …………… giggles …………… “oh, Lisa was right you do have a cute accent, where are you from”?. The Moose Herder, still wolfing down his club sandwich with tomatoes now removed, responds with “he’s from England”.

This butting into any question that was asked of the Brit soon became a precedent for future visits to the Blubmouse and talking to people in general, particularly people of the female variety. Each time they went to the pub The Moose Herder would encourage the Brit to order the beer, “can I ‘ave a Coors Light draught and a Bud Light draft please luv” …………….”you’ve got an accent, where are you from”? He’d butt in with “He’s from England y’all, and Hi, my name is The Moose Herder, what’s yours”?

Now it didn’t really matter whether it was waitress, barmaid or regular female customer, The Moose Herder would answer for the Brit who was pretty much nothing more than an accent gigolo! He felt like a ventriloquists dummy, sitting there like a lemon with a beer in hand! Ah well such was the start of the Brit’s single life!
Since then, The Moose Herder has actually gone to the pub on his own, without looking like he was joined to the Brits hip! the Brit has made a few friends there and has been accepted by the local pub going community without issue ………… and he has now found his home from home …………… which, unbeknownst to the Brit would eventually become a sanctuary of sanity ………….. but more on the reasons why later!